child's pose please.

this morning, i woke up at 6 am and did a yoga class. YUP that's right i awoke with the sun and did early morning yoga at yoga for the people on st. marks.

i'm not sure what motivated me more- the fact that it's almost summer and time to shape up or the fact that i heard there was a mary-kate olsen spotting at yoga for the people a few months back. ok let's not kid ourselves, we obviously know why i went.

ANYWAYS. yoga is the most ridiculous thing. talk about a bunch of over-acters. is it REALLLY necessary to exhale by saying AHHHHHH, are you really thatttt refreshed and relaxed when exhaling? get yourself into a drama class people.

but really, if this class taught me anything it's that i have NO concept of left and right. you'd think after 23 years, i'd have gotten a clue- but honestly, no idea. i've always done that little hand trick, where the hand that's an L is left but when you're in the peeing dog position and one hand is twisted around your butt and the other is like, making gun signs in the air, my hand is not available for the L trick and i am completely lost.

it's a bit too spiritual for me too, to be honest. i'm not really the type to be one with nature, lifting my heart to the ceiling while listening to a 7th grade sarah mclaughlin cd, but fine, i'll take it. i only wish the place had mirrors so i could see just how much of an ass i made of myself.

when we started the class, we did "child's pose" and the teacher said something along the lines of "if during the class, your body is telling you to go back to child's pose, follow that. go to child's pose" and i was thinking. my body would NEVER tell me to go to child's pose- i haven't even the faintest idea of what child's pose is. and then came the crouching tiger, hidden dragon, doggie dance or something and i have never been more familiar with child's pose in my life. my body was screaming child's pose.

then there was a move called the pigeon sit. or something. peacock? i don't know. the teacher said when he started yoga, it was the hardest thing he had ever done. and i mean, not to brag or anything, but it didn't hurt me a bit. so either i'm a serious yoga pro and need to be teaching the class next week, or i should go in a few minutes early next time and ask for someone to teach me the correct way to do yoga.

also, one girl wore a bodysuit. what a show off. but i'm definitely wearing one next time. if i'm waking up with the birds, i'm at least going to do it with style.

OHHH. and at the end of the class, the teacher played a GONG! a gong?! the last time someone played a gong, i was in 3rd grade on stage at the pinchbeck elementary school gong show wearing a mexican dress and a side ponytail, shaking a maraca to la bamba with 7 of my friends.

to conclude, i think yoga is completely absurd and i will continue to go 3 times a week mostly because it's funny and another excuse to wear a leotard.

oh, and also for mary-kate. always, for mary-kate.