hey hey hey how's my best girlfriends. it's been a long time since i've blogged, as usual, and i'm not really sure how to get back into the swing of things. i think i will start by showing you some new acquisitions to my closet because sometimes when i break out the modeling pictures, i find myself getting really funny and entertaining. you knoww?
ok SOOOO. remember a million years ago when i found the best shirt in the world on ebay aka the cutest little sexy bod bathing suit but psycheee nope it's a fat t-shirt- shirt? and then it ended up being junior mint baby size?? picture below for details.
ANYWAYS. the ebay shirt was the tiniest little baby thing i've ever seen so i complained for about 3 months and then decided to take action and try buying the bathing suit t-shirt again. ok... not to get all goldilocks with the t-shirts but i realllly feel like this one is a littttle bit too big... i know the whole point is for it to be a huge moo-moo shirt for a big fattie on the beach with a sexy bod painted on the front but is it SO much to ask for an adaptation of that that's also sort of a cute little mini-dress? i'd really love to find one that is justttt right. possibly leopard print? anyways i do enjoy the american flag print. and the really shiny barbie legs.
alsooo i just bought a new jacket. it's kind of amazing. it's 80s acid wash-y denim and big and puffy-esque and lined with really bad faded 90s flannel. i feel like the more i surround myself with jackets and tights and wintery things, the more winter will come to me. i am DONE with summer. i'm tired of ripped jean shorts. i'm tired of florals. i'm tired of bathing suits. i'm tired of the sun. all i want is to be walking to the subway layered in 800 sweaters and tights and boots complaining about how tired i am of sweaters and tights and boots and wishing i was wearing a floral bathing suit with ripped jean shorts and playing in the sun. anywaysssss. here's my new jacket. i posed seven different times in awkward positions so you could really truly see the beautiful craftmanship of the 80s atrociousness. you're welcomeeeee.
oh ALSOOOO i got a construction worker vest. i've been wanting one forever because i always think the construction workers and subway people look soooo cool so finally i went up to a construction worker in my neighborhood and asked and BAM. in my closet. hahah i love BAM. it really gets the point across doesn't it? anyways i said i needed it for a "very special fashion shoot"... aka this? shhhhh.
ok now i am going to tell a story that i realize is going to make me sound a little bit insane but wellll this is my blog so i can say whatever i want. BAM. (good, right?) anywaysss i've had this obsession with getting a nose job for the past 2 years. because my nose goes like down. instead of up. or something. anyways, let me point out my flaws to you here.
basically i'd love just a teensy little push on my nose and then i figure i'll go out one night and my friends will be like OMG you look AMAZINGGGG did you use a new eyeliner?? is your hair clean!!? but really i'll know. (nose job) the thing is. i know i don't reallllllly need a nose job. and i know this because my grandma says i don't. and trust me, she's not the type to just say something to be nice. BUT i stillll sort of like obsessing over it. SOOO the other night i decided to give myself my own little nose job (don't try this at home kids) actually DO because it works and i am a GENIUS!! so i had a little bit of masking tape in my drawer and i decided to ummmm tape my nose up. just a teensy little push you know? i didn't like glue my nose to the top of my face or anything, don't freak out. anywayssss, i left it on for a little bit and then BAM (sorry) new nose. i swearrrr it worked a little bit. i will be putting plastic surgeons out of business with my home remedies!!
andddddd that is all i have for you today. thank you for joining and i will speak to you soon. probably. if i don't forget i have a blog again or spend all my time stealing clothes from construction workers and performing arts and crafts surgery on my face. BYEEEE.
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