a tragedy.

last night, i thought i was dying. i'm serious. the thought crossed my mind. all of a sudden, my temperature rose to literally 879 degrees. well not realllly literally but definitely somewhere close to that. it was the hottest i have ever felt in my entire life. i put my air conditioning on full blast and even then, my temperature was at least 748 degrees.  it was AWFUL. i started saying my goodbyes to my room and planning who would get what. i deliriously texted maxx saying "i feel like jack in titanic. maybe i should just let go and die." nooo idea where the titanic reference came from or why i thought that was applicable or appropriate but i was DELIRIOUS. oh and also i told him "you can have my bike it's a good one" which i think is very considerate of me to be thinking so sweetly like that while on my death bed. really, i have not the faintest idea why i felt like leonardo dicaprio but i sort of like that i texted it because it's the closest i'll get to a drunk text and sometimes i feel a little left out from that whole drunk texting culture. just kidddinggg i don't (mom). 

anyways, the point of the story is. last night, i almost died. and also today too. yes, it was already 117 degrees outside (estimates, guys, estimates) and i made the poor choice of wearing winter knee socks and combat boots (and a cute little polka dot summer dress just fyi) BUT i was SOOOO SOOOO hot. i was walking down the street like a crazy person stomping and sweating profusely, thermometer in mouth. i know that sounds a little over the top but my dad told me to take my temperature and then call him and i was on my way to work at this cuteeee little vintage store (omg VINTEDGE. it's in the antique showplace on 25th and 6th and you HAVE to come if  you live in new york and you're not one of my many international readers) but anywaysss i thought sitting in the store with a thermometer in my mouth would realllly turn away the costumers so instead i multi-tasked and took my temperature on the way to work. it was 98.4. what a dissappointment right? all that "i'm dying, i'm dying" talk and its 98.4?? there is NO way. i know my temperature is at least 99.9. but whatevverrr. i guess i will live and i don't have to divide all my belongings amongst my friends and family. although for the record, jen, you were totally gonna get my sequins. isn't that nice? when i was younger, i used to LOVE those shel silverstein books with all the little poems and stories and there was one that i used to read ALL the time. it went like this:

now i lay me down to sleep

i pray the lord my soul to keep

and if i die before i wake

i pray the lord my toys to break

so none of the other kids can use them.

so touching. that really resonated with me. but clearly i have grown up into a lovely sharing individual and not the selfish little brat that re-read that poem every night before bed.

anyways, despite my anti-climatic temperature reading, i really do think i'm a little bit sick. send chex mix, flowers, and sequined sweaters to brooklyn.

oh just some modeling pics.

i didn't go out last night because i was lazy and tired. instead, i had snapple lemonade and cheetos and took pictures of myself in my new hulk t-shirt.

the hulk shirt is SOOO good. it's almost impossible to put it on without wanting to make the hulk upside-down smile pouty face. verrrry difficult to replicate but i really tried.  oh and also while i was at it, i had to show off my nail polish AND do the artsy bangs in the face picture because i couldn't JUST do hulk faces. that would be boring. and then also while i was at THAT, i decided to get some hat accessories because i couldn't be JUST wearing the hulk t-shirt with hulk faces without also throwing in my new marching band hat and mickey ears. ya know? i love the marching band hat SOOOO much. it's really really something. at first, i bought it and thought hmmmm this is a great little prop to decorate my room. turns out, it's an even greater little prop to decorate my head. i want to wear it every day but ALSO i bought mickey ears from party city and i want to wear them every day too. it's a real scheduling dilemma. i find that life is a lot more fun when you have props on your head.

i also bought a blondie t-shirt which is incredible in it's own way but doesn't really compare to the hulk. no offense, debs. i mean she has realllly incredible make up and hair but the hulk has bulging veins that actually stick out of the t-shirt. but blondie was a good buy too, for a day when i feel like wearing a fancier t-shirt. i bought it because it reminded me of a funny story about my mom at a blondie concert but when i left the store i realized that the blondie concert was actually with my dad and the funny story with my mom was at a kenny loggins concert. whateverrrrr. ok fineee, i'll tell you the story since you're probably on the edge of your seats now wondering about it. one time, we went to an outdoor kenny loggins concert. you know kenny? he sings that all time great rock and roll hit- "help me if you can.. i've gotta get back to the house at pooh corner by one.. you'd be surprised, there's so much to be done..." something about counting bees in the hive and chasing clouds in the sky... (ok i'm not going to lie i know the EXACT words to the song but that just seems SO uncool) ANYWAYS. we had bought subs and drinks before the concert and of course the security guards would not let us in with the food so instead of being a normal family and eating them before we went into the concert, my mom had us hide the food. eighteen different times. so that we could be repeatedly rejected entry. it was honestly something like "ummm sorry maam.. we're going to have to have you open your bag. hmmm, the subs again. yep. you're going to have to take that outside of the gates." and then round two.. "righttttt... um sir, is that a sub in your left sleeve? yep, really sorry but we can't let you in with that." round three. "the family has subs down their pants. do NOT let them in with the food."

anywaysssss after the 38th rejection, we ate the subs outside like a nice normal family and then joined the mosh pit inside for the raging sounds of kenny loggings. and now i have a beautiful blondie t-shirt to commemorate the night.

xoxo gossip girl.

oh geeezzz.

so this time i have legitimate reasons for not blogging. god, i love the word legitimate. it sounds so legitimate.

ANYWAYSSSS. our wireless died. can you believe it? i am EXASPERATED. and linksys, the little bitches excuseeeeeee my language that make our router were not at all willing to help me. at all!!!

this is how our conversation went:

me: hiii good evening, i hope you are having a lovelyyyy day. our wireless is broken. it stopped working 5 days ago. we payed 30 dollars to set up the wireless 3 weeks ago. can you please help us get it up and running again!? it would be MUCH appreciated. (smile smile nice nice i SWEAR i was cheery and chipper)

computer devils: yes of course we are happy to help you after you pay another 40 dollars.

me: that is UNACCEPTABLE! we will NOT pay 70 dollars for 3 weeks of internet. i am APPALLED. i am FURIOUS. i am DISSAPPOINTED. i am FRENETIC. (i am thesaurusing synonyms for furious) pleaseeee can you help us? it will take you 3 seconds.

computer devils: yes of course we are happy to help you after you pay another 40 dollars.

me: let me talk to your supervisor

supervisor devil number 1: yes of course we are happy to help you after you pay another 40 dollars.

me: UNNACCEPTABLE AGAIN!! let me talk to YOUR supervisor.

supervisor devil number 2: yes of course we are happy to help you after you pay another 40 dollars.

me: I AM INFURIATED. let me talk to YOUR supervisor.

supervisior devil number 3: yes of course we are happy to help you after you pay another 40 dollars.

me: THIS IS ENRAGING. let me talk to YOUR supervisor.

supervisor devil number 3: i don't have a supervisor.

and now WE don't have wireless. UGHHHHHH.

it is really quite terrible. you see how i say quite? isn't that cute? that is because i have been hanging out with adorable brits and their posh-ness is rubbing off on me. but just a little bit.

ANYWAYS. not having wireless means in order to use the internet you must have your computer plugged in. (duh, i know.) and in our apartment, having the computer plugged in means you are using the tiniest little mini baby junior cord that can barely even wrap around my wrist as a bracelet!! when you are plugged in you are PLUGGED IN. you are basically sitting on the router. you are eating the cable box. your nose is pressed to the tv. all just to check a little facebook and write a little blog. terrible.

but while i'm here. i may as well share with you some thoughts. i saw a little girl going to karate class yesterday. she was SOOOO cute. punching and kicking and jumping in her little white outfit. she was only a white belt so clearly she totally sucks at karate but the idea of karate class is realllly appealing to me. you are basically doing a sport just to get outfits. AND when you've reached the ultimate pinacle of outfit chic-ness aka the black and white suit, you also have the ability to beat up robbers and chop wood boards with your hands. A-MAZINGGG.

one time, i tried to do a sport for an outfit. i did a season of soccer. i love talking about it because it is really the only athletic-ness of my life. i never really say it was just a season either. i like to throw it in when people give me this look of shock like WHAT? you didn't do SPORTS? and then i say i mean... i did soccer in highschool. little do they know it was for the uniform. totally backfired on me though. i got stuck with baby blue. NO ONE wants baby blue. i was hoping for purple or black and white polka-dot. nope. i had blue. and my coach made us match our socks so you couldn't even get creative.

also, jen and i saw 500 days of summer the other day. it was soooo good. now i feel like i should cut my bangs so i can be like zooey deschanel because she is the cutestttt. i bought popcorn and it was like 17 dollars or something ridiculous. i say 17 because really it was 7 and that doesn't sound worth blogging about but really it is quite atrocious. quite. awww, so cute. i was wearing the cutest little floral dress but i didn't want to butter it up so i sat through the movie with my dress tucked and looped like a midriff circa 4th grade and let my little shorts be butter pants. you always have to have butter pants at the movies. i have a pair of jeans that are my movie theater butter jeans. they are stained and greased and perfection for eating 17 dollar movie theater popcorn. with layered butter. yum.

in other news, i need new picture faces. lately, i've been really stuck on dead face and obnoxious face.

(dead)

(obnoxious)

they are terrible and repetitive. i need new looks. and i REALLY need wireless internet. love yaaa.

are you there blog? it's me, lauren.

i'm baaaccckkkkk. i'm always back. i think that will just be my standard greeting when i'm blogging from now on. anywayssss did you miss me? actually i kind of know you did because like evvvvvvverybody (emphasis on the v's because seriously guys, everybody) has been begging me to blog. you're welcome.

woooo today is my favorite holiday aka 7/11 aka free slurpee day and i am sooo excited. last year on 7/11, the little tricksters at the gramercy 7-11 put an out of order sign on the slurpee machine. it was abominable. so instead we filled our free slurpee cups with hot chocolate and marshmallows and it was nowhere near the same but i was NOT about to leave empty handed on free slurpee day. this year, i am hoping they will be more prepared for my arrival.

so lea and i moved into our new apartment. we are officially brooklyners. or brooklynites. ooo brooklynites i love that, i will use that. anyways we live in BK which is great and stuff but i have no idea where anything in brooklyn is. so if my apartment is not in my sight, i am lost. streets are incredibly more difficult when they are not in number order and when you have the WORST sense of direction in the world. also, we have an ice cream man that works like 21 hours a day. REALLY. the ice cream truck music is the new soundtrack to my life. which is reallllly annoying because the old soundtrack to my life was seal- kiss from a rose and i liked that SOOOO much better. honestly. it was ALWAYS in my head. and now it's like a twinkling little ice cream song which is really awful and i can't even sing along. 

also. i bought this dress from american apparel and i love love loveeee it.

i knowwww... you're not supposed to love american apparel because like every boy and girl and dad and hipster on the street has the same thing but i don't care i LOVE. it's comfortable and convertible and just kind of great. i plan on wearing it every day this summer. its the perfect little dress to accessorize. stacy doesn't like it. she says it's "boring" but she also told me that when painting my frame neon green, the paint DEFINITELY wouldn't get on the floor if i layed it on fabric and guess what. it DID get on the floor. (shhhh don't tell lea) so i have decided to dis-credit everything stacy says from now on.  anyways, my new dress. so far, i just did the socks and creepers look which i know is a little bit boring but don't worry.. i have plans for minnie ears and bling and a marching band hat and sequins and shoulder-padded blazers and stuff. (rip michael) so anyways. that is my summer wardrobe schedule. i feel that it is very creative and economical.

lately, all i want to do is dress like minnie mouse but my outfits keep channeling a.c. slater. i reallllly need to sort myself out. 

OH!! jen and i are starting a band. we are going to play the tambourines and they are going to be bedazzled. if you would like us to play at any of your functions, please let me know. we don't have the tambourines or any sort of songs worked out yet but i'm 96% sure we are going to be amazing so feel free to book in advance.

happy slurpee day.